Assaamualaikum. Tak jawab dosa, jawab dapat pahala :)

 I just came back home from school. Oh yes, I have sunday school, for those who don't know. It's been a long time since I last posted anything on this blog. A month ago, I guess? Been very busy (yelah sangat) with study (bleh) and social networks which I have to get rid of the addiction, like, right NAW.

So, today in English class, while Mrs. Nani was marking our trial papers, she told us about Mrs Narimah condition, one of our school teachers who are currently on sick leave for quite a while... like a year or something cause she has this cervix cancer. She is now in Stage 4 and the doctor predicts that she will only have like a month left to live. We were all in shocking state. She's such a nice teacher, though she never tought most of us, really.. but we are quite close to her due to co-curicullar activities and stuffs.

What will you do if you have been told by someone that you have only one month left to live? What will you do, really and personally? Do we even have enough time to 'beribadat' and kutip all those pahala that might be not enough yet? Do we even have enough time to go to masjid and sembahyang like 674542892 rakaat a day to qadha' all those solat that we accidently or purposely left? I seriously think, do we even have time to breathe, talking to the moon and sun, watching the sun sets, feel the breeze, travelling all around the world, visiting all the beautiful places that we could only see from pictures, standing under the rain?

 No. I don't think that one month is enough to do everything that we really wanted to do before we die. We are still here, so lazy to keep our arses up because we don't know when is our time to leave the world, to leave everything we love behind. Most of my readers are of my age. We are too young and we don't really see many deaths happening right in front of our eyes. That's why we are being like lazy cows because we think we have lots of time left. We think that if we don't do this now, we can do this later. If only we know how much time left on our own "imaginary clock", we won't be doing what we are doing now.

We complain too much on everything. This is wrong. That is wrong. This shouldn't be like this. This shouldn't be like that. We never thanked Allah for all the little tiny blessings that He gave us up until now. We always forget Him. We always forget that at one moment, He could lose the patience and take everything that what is His. We don't always get what we want, cause Allah wants us to love what we already have. Even if it's small or big, be thankful for what we have. People on the other side of the world are suffering from all sorts of problems. Don't we feel grateful and thankful to Allah for all the blessings? Can't you just sit and think for a moment? Look around you. Think, feel, be grateful. Count all those little tiny blessings. We only see those big blessings till one point, we forgot all those tiny little blessings. We become greedy, cause we wanted more or we wanted things to be much better than it is now.

If only you could see all those Mat Salehs yang uolls puja-puja, their lives aren't that great. It's a big disaster. They seek for help, to get away from all of these messes, but they don't know how. This returns to the biggest blessings that me and most of my friends have now, that is Islam and iman. It's really difficult for someone who isn't born as Muslim to open his heart and soul to actually see Islam. We should be really thankful that we were born as Muslims, that even how big our mistakes are, Allah will still be here for us and forever will.

I made mistake till one day, Allah took something that was so precious to me, from me. At that moment, I thought my whole life was completely in the dark. I couldn't see anything and that was when I knew, that I had forgotten all about Him. I had loved this something so much that I forgot, Allah is the only love that will last forever. I really cried so hard when I went to Him. I was in pain. I was in the situation that I didn't feel blessed nor loved by Allah. I cried so hard because I wanted Him to love me, to bless me. I made mistakes by forgetting Him, turning my back on Him. I didn't want Him to forget me. I was scared..

Alhamdulillah, I get what I have always wanted now. I feel blessed. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel happy with myself. I become a mature person who think first before doing something. I seek for Him before making any decisions. Alhamdulillah. I feel really blessed. No one could ever tell the feeling of being blessed, the feeling of being safe, like you are actually under His arms, protecting you. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. I do forget to be thankful sometimes, but I keep reminding myself, I don't want to make the same mistakes. I was a rebellious teenager before. I didn't want to listen to mom nor dad. I had always think that I was right and everyone was wrong. I thought that people are hating on me, they didn't love me. No. People around me are loving me, needing me as much as I need them. The only thing I am scared about is, Allah will take back these blessings from me. I keep praying to Allah, I want this life, myself and people around me to be blessed forever. Insya-Allah. I keep my faith, to always trust Him, to always believe in Him that He's up there, watching me, protecting me, planning for only the better for me and my friends. I don't complain too much now. I'm seventeen. I should just accept everything as they are. Less complaining make my heart feel a lot more lighter.  I love this life, and I couldn't stop thanking Allah for giving me all those big and tiny little blessing to me, my family, to the people whom I love the most, to my friends, to my Muslim brothers and sisters. I couldn't thanked enough. May Allah bless Mrs. Narimah good soul. Amin.

"In life, we tend to forget how fortunate we are. Too much focus is given on what we do not have rather than we have. Tough times do not last, but tough people do" - Adapted from The Star Online

Thank you so much for giving me this blessed life. Thank you, Allah.